9 years

how can 9 years have gone by? why is the pain still so deep and heavy? my tears so easily flowing?
i lost my past, my present and my future - or at least a part of it on the day i lost my baby son.
the impact of losing a child is so ginormous, that sometimes i dont feel i will ever be healed; it affects every part of who i am, who i will be - i am not the person i was, that person died along with her child.
and yet my sadness doesnt affect my present, my future; it makes some things shine with greater strength, makes rainbows and sunlight more beautiful, makes me appreciate small things more.
and of course my present, my future is made so much more amazing because of my daughter, my beautiful child; my hope.
i will always have 3 children, but it is my present, my future to only raise one of them. i hope i make her proud, i hope she shines brightly in her own present and future. she makes it all worthwhile and brings hope and joy back into my past, present, future.